After weeks of traveling (which is common for my new job) and unpredictable events, I ended up having to turn a well planned personal 1-on-1 dinner with a friend into a family event and I felt so guilty about it as he might not be interested in participating but I wanted to see him but also my family. On short notice I asked my friend if he didn't mind joining us for Shabbat dinner and he happily agreed and showed up with charm and flexibility, brought wine and made conversation with my aunt and cousins and other guests. I was feeling really grateful for his flexibility and at the end of the family night he and I got a few minutes alone at a wine bar where he told me the story of "DABs":
Friend: a "DAB" is a "Down Ass B*tch" basically a woman who is awesome and can roll under any set of circumstances. You can call them anytime and they are there.
Ellie: But isn't that a bit insulting, like the women is on standby or on the back burner?
Friend: No. its a huge compliment. I don't see it as insulting.
Ellie: Well I take offense to it. I feel like I have many amazing qualities but I'm not some "b*tch" that you can keep in a corner.
Friend: its a compliment! There's nothing wrong with it
Ellie: So let me get this right, a DAB is someone who can hang with family go to fancy events or chill parties and just roll with whatever?
Ellie:... and they are okay with last minute changes and still have a good time?
Friend. Yup, you got it.
Ellie: ... and they are the type of person you can have your parents meet and will be on time and bring wine or flowers or whatever it takes?
Friend: Exactly! They just show up and do what's needed.
Ellie: So say you had plans for a low key dinner together and at the last minute it got changed to a shabbat dinner with family a DAB wouldn't ask questions they would just show up with wine and make for a great evening?
Friend: Yes! Exactly, you finally got it!
Ellie: Then wouldn't that make YOU a DAB?
[Silence, my friends smile and face completely stopped]
Ellie: What's wrong? Isn't being a DAB a huge compliment?
Software. Sailing. Writing Stuff.